Seducing Celestine Page 14

  Nick paced in frustration before her.

  “I could not believe it when the nurse told me you had signed yourself out. You are supposed to stay in another night for observation.”

  “Well, I’m supposed to do a lot of things I don’t do.” Exercise regularly, eat properly, control swearing, not speed through amber lights…the list was bloody endless. So, in the scheme of things, leaving hospital of her own accord seemed such a small thing compared to everything else. So why didn’t the nurse come back with her prescription refills so Celestine could get out of having this conversation with Nick Swan? Every minute she spent with him was one minute closer to throwing herself in his arms. If and when she did do said throwing, she wanted it to be for the right reason. Love—not just lust. Although lust was awfully good, Celestine wanted more.

  “You have your mind set on this, don’t you?”

  “Yep.” Celestine tried to pretend the moment of wooziness she was experiencing wasn’t happening. She did not need an “I told you so” moment with Nick. She casually sat back on the bed behind her as if nothing was wrong.

  Nick shook his head at her actions.

  “Blind Freddie can see you’re not well. If you insist on leaving come and stay with me.”

  “No thanks.” Now that Celestine was no longer in danger, she could go home. The real estate agent had already repaired the damage to her house. Apparently it still looked like crap but it was livable. Celestine knew she could relax and recover better in her own space and her own bed. Having Nick around would be too much of a temptation. The man could seduce her with a look and while that was exciting it did not help with her confusion over what to do with him, other than having sex with him.

  “Why not?” Nick looked at her as if he really was having trouble working out what was going on in Celestine’s mind.

  “Because…” It was a totally inadequate response but it was the only one she had. “Nick, this is not up for discussion.” Of course Celestine knew instinctively they were actually heading for an argument and not a discussion anyway. She pushed her hair back from her face with gravel-scraped fingers. Her hair had been nightmare of knots and tangles when she had first arrived at the hospital. A kind nurse aide had helped her untangle it. But now that she was clean, bandaged and untangled, she was ready to go home. “I know what I’m doing.”

  “Do you really, Celestine? You’re battered, bruised and can barely walk.” Nick gave her a look that told her he believed she did not have a clue about her actions. “But I can see you’re basically going to politely listen to me then disregard everything I say and go your own sweet way. That was pretty much her plan in a nutshell and Celestine knew Nick wouldn’t be thrilled about it. But there it was.

  “I have everything under in control. I will be fine.” Or I will make it up as I go along.

  “What a load of crap.” Nick did not believe her for a second.

  “Tell it like it is, why don’t you?”

  “I always do. How about you?”

  Mostly Celestine did when she knew what she was doing. She didn’t have a damned clue at the moment.

  “I need time to think.”

  Nick crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her searchingly.

  “What about?”

  And this was why she needed time to think. She couldn’t think straight with Nick standing in front of her like that with his biceps bulging. It made her want to look at other places on his anatomy that also may be bulging.

  “You…me…this thing between us.”

  “You mean the ‘thing’ that we love each other?”

  “Do we?”

  Nick’s eyes softened on her.

  “What are you scared of, baby?”

  Pretty much damned everything when it comes to you.

  “I just need time alone.”

  “To hide from what you’re feeling? Don’t be like your parents. Just because they could not get along, it doesn’t mean we won’t.”

  “How do you know I’m not like them?” Her parents had clearly married in a mad minute and lived to regret it. Genetically she had the same “dumb” genes they did.

  “Because you are a warm, sensitive, sensual woman who gives without expecting anything in return.” Nick’s eyes locked on hers, giving his words extra meaning. “Yeah, making love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me but it’s only because it’s you and I love you. And before you say it or think it, I don’t just love you because of the sex.”

  Celestine wished she was so certain about her feelings. One minute she knew with dead-set certainty she was in love with Nick. The next she did not have a clue. If she was going to do the love thing, Celestine wanted to do it right. Maybe it was a storybook ideal but to her love meant long-term commitment and sharing and compromise. If she could not do that right, she did not want to do it at all. What if she had children who turned out like her because of the childhood she had? Kids needed to understand love. That came from their parents.

  “I care for you—”

  “You care for me?” Nick interrupted, as if he could not believe her words. “What a coward you are, Celestine Holt.”

  “All we have is sex.”

  “You know we have so much more.” Nick ran an irritated hand through his hair. “Yes, sex between us is fantastic.”

  “I agree but I don’t really know if it’s love.”

  “Would you have sex with any man? Would you kiss him like you kiss me? Or spread your legs wide and beg him to make you come? How about drop to your knees and suck his cock to drive him wild?”

  “No.” Even as Nick said the words, visions of them together doing just that shot into her mind and made her instantly wet.

  “You love me.” Nick moved toward her.

  Celestine held up her hands to stop him. Oh God, if he touched her now, she knew she would be pulling the curtain around her bed and sucking that cock of his inside her. And as good as that would be, it did not solve her problem.

  “That’s just it, Nick, I don’t know if I love you. In the last week, with everything that has gone on, I haven’t known what the hell I was doing from one moment to the next, let alone knowing whether I am in love with you.” The hurt in Nick’s eyes stabbed her to the core. But she had to be true to herself. “It may not be fair to you. It may not be what you want to hear.” How the hell did she make him understand? “I don’t want to hurt you but I need time to think. I don’t know what I feel and you demanding that I make a decision or a commitment is not helping me. The decision I make has to be right for me. I can’t be pressured into it.”

  Nick shook his head and laughed sadly.

  “Do you care what I think at all?”

  Celestine cared for Nick and his opinions more than he would ever know. Couldn’t he see that if and when she came to him it would be for the right reasons and forever? Nick deserved a woman who was totally firm in her love for him.

  “Of course I do but by the same token, this is something I need to do.” She stood up as if to illustrate her point. “I’m a big girl and I am capable of looking after myself. I know what my limits are.”

  “You haven’t got a clue what your limits are, Celestine Holt. They are so rigid and unchanging that just out of sheer stubborn stupidity you will pass up the greatest love in your life.”

  That was very much on the cards but they were her cards to play.

  “Well, Nick, that’s very dramatic, I’m sure.”

  “I knew you would do this, Celestine.” Nick sighed. He was a man that knew he was getting nowhere with the woman he loved.

  “If you knew that, why did you bother coming?”

  “Baby, you know why I came. I love you.” Nick leaned forward and kissed Celestine softly. “Think by all means. Just don’t screw this up for us.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Celestine stood in the lounge room of her home and wondered what the hell she was doing there. The taxi dropped her off at the house all of two minutes ago and it
seemed like a foreign place to her. Although the damage had been repaired, this house was no longer her home. The memories it evoked were not ones Celestine cared to remember or live with anymore. She knew there was no way she could stay. So what to do now? What to pack? Where to go? Did she love Nick or not? Was she being stupid or not? The answers came back as don’t know, don’t know, most likely, you stubborn wench and yes, you are stupid.

  “Yay, life…can you get any more confusing?” Celestine muttered to herself. Pre-Nick all Celestine had to think about was the pursuit of money to pay her debts. Now she had that problem mixed up with all the others. Not that Nick was a problem. He was more like a temptation mixed up in a dilemma with a twist of confusion added for angst value. Or more precisely, she was the actual angst value.

  “Okay, time to get a grip, woman.” Standing and staring at her sparse furniture was getting her nowhere. Celestine sighed and started off in the direction of her bedroom. What the hell shape would the bed be in? She really needed to lie down…maybe with some chocolate biscuits. Celestine stopped and detoured into the kitchen. Chocolate was excellent thinking food. The sound of a car door slamming in the driveway made her swear out loud. It had to be Nick. Pushy, sexy bastard.

  Celestine stomped to the door, ready to give him a piece of her mind. However, she had to stop mid-stomp as her head was spinning and it felt like a piece of her mind might actually fall out through her ear. She grabbed the nearby doorjamb. The drugs were fabulous for pain but she felt as woozy as hell on them. A soft knock sounded at her door. Okay, not Nick. He would have bowled straight in or kicked the door down.

  Celestine shuffled slowly to the door and opened it.

  “Holy snapping ducks!” Her mouth dropped open in amazement. “What are you doing here, Grace?” Her sister never willingly sought her out. What the hell did this mean? Was it like some omen of doom? Or maybe it was like the first flower of spring. Nah, with their track record it had to be doom. Celestine watched as her sister gingerly stepped over the threshold in a pair of shoes she just knew did not come from Kmart during their thirty-percent off footwear sale. Her whole outfit would have cost more than Celestine’s monthly rent. Celestine knew objectively her strawberry-haired sister was beautiful to look at. Celestine wasn’t jealous of that. She knew that outside beauty was just a shell and that it was what was inside that counted. The problem was neither of them really knew what was inside the other.

  Grace grimaced at the bruising to her sister’s face. She positively blanched when she saw the bandages on her wrists and ankles.

  “Oh God, Celestine.” Grace swayed on her spiked heels and gasped at her in horror. “You look awful, Celestine.”

  Celestine smiled at her sister’s words. If it had of been anyone but Grace she would have been offended. But the one thing that they did have had in common was they often said things without thinking of the consequences.

  “Gee, thanks, Grace.” Celestine had redressed in the same clothes at the hospital she had been wearing for days. She knew she was not a pretty picture at the moment but then her looks had never been of paramount importance to Celestine. To someone like Grace, a person who was never anything but immaculate, she must look like a bag lady on a bad PMS day.

  “Oh no, I don’t mean it like that.” Grace hastily corrected herself, her hands fluttering in apology. “It’s all been such a shock. The kidnapping, your injuries and everything.”

  “Well, I’d agree with that.” This was kind of weird. Grace never usually cared one way or the other about Celestine. That was their relationship. It wasn’t horrible. It just was what it was. This sudden appearance looking like she actually cared was weird.

  “So, why are you here, Grace?” What exactly was the reason for her sister to appear? It was not like Celestine had anything she could possibly want.

  “Your boyfriend Nick.”

  Celestine looked at her uncertainly. What did Nick have to do with this? Was he her boyfriend? There was nothing boylike about him.

  “Uh-huh…” Celestine murmured, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “He rang me when you were kidnapped. He seemed to think I did not care about you.”

  “Oh yes?” Well, this was a surprise. Clearly whatever Nick had said to Grace had shaken her up enough to haul her ass to her trashed home to see her.

  “I know we’ve never really gotten on, Celestine, but in the last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about us.”

  Okay, this was now freaking her out. People like Julia she could deal with as you always knew where her sort was coming from. But Grace was an unknown quantity to her.

  “Really?” There had to be something more to this visit. Grace was looking at her all sincere and sisterly. Had the drugs she had taken for pain put her in some weird bizarro world?

  “Yes and do you know what I’ve realized, Celestine? We are exactly alike.”

  Are frigging not, thought Celestine, her eyebrows arched in disbelief at her sister’s words.

  “We both act shallow,” Grace announced as if it was an important discovery for her.

  As if!

  “I’m shallow, Grace?” Celestine was tired, in pain and did not need insults from her sister, the Queen of the Shallow.

  “Yes, you’re shallow because you don’t want to get involved with anything or anyone so you glide on the surface of life.”

  “Do not…” Celestine muttered. This woman was related to her by blood but not understanding or knowledge.

  “Where’s Nick now?”

  “I just needed time to think about him…us…but that does not mean I am shallow. It means I’m being careful.” Anyone could see that was there was a difference. Okay, maybe not much of one but still a damned difference.

  “Why do you feel the need to be careful?”

  “It’s complicated.” Celestine hated being put on the spot to counter questions she knew she only had half-assed answers to.

  “Do you love Nick?”

  Celestine blew out a tired sigh.

  “It’s not that simple, Grace.”

  “What’s the problem? Scared of getting involved? Scared that you may turn out like our parents?” Grace knew she had hit the nail on the head.

  “Yes, damn it!” That was the crux of Celestine’s problem. “Aren’t you?”

  Grace nodded in simple understanding.

  “I was for the longest time until I met Ben.”

  “I’ll be honest, Grace. Your husband is the one thing I like about you.”

  Grace laughed out loud at her words. She was not offended.

  Celestine smiled in amazement.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh.” It was a nice sound.

  “Do you want to know why I’m shallow and a lot like you…and no, not for whatever reasons you are dying to interrupt with.” Grace looked at her sister meaningfully. “I’m shallow because I pretend not to care about anything but the superficial. We both act shallow so we don’t get hurt. We learnt that from our parents at a young age and never really learnt to snap out of it.”

  “They probably tried to be good parents.” Celestine wanted to believe they had.

  “But not enough,” Grace responded.

  “No, probably not.” Their parents were gone and blaming them was pointless.

  “After I spoke to your Nick about the ransom money—”

  “He’s not ‘my’ anything,” Celestine interrupted her. “And, I’ll be honest, Grace, I wouldn’t have forked out ransom money for you straightaway either.” Which really didn’t mean a lot because Celestine was stone broke and walking anyway.

  “Whatever…” Grace raised her hand as if it was of no consequence now. “So after Nick called and had a go at me, Ben then turned on me, telling me what an awful sister I was. I was stunned but I thought about what he said and I suddenly realized, in the midst of everything else that was going on, that we are both alike. We’re both scared of screwing up something important so we pretend we don’t
care.”

  Celestine could not deny a word of what Grace had said. It was all true. Celestine was scared of screwing up what she had with Nick so she kept telling herself it was just sex and it would not last. She was basically sabotaging any chance of her own happiness because she was scared.

  “I can’t remember the last time we ever had a real conversation, Grace.”

  “I think it would have been when we were six or seven and you butchered the hair of my Barbie doll and swore blind it would grow back.”

  “I lied, get over it. Besides, that Barbie had some kick-ass attitude going on.” Celestine laughed as she remembered back to when she and Grace were kids.

  Grace shook her head, a sudden sadness coming into her eyes.

  “We don’t converse well in our family, do we? We have to change that, Celestine. I’m not saying we’re going to become best friends and close sisters overnight but I want to give it a try.”

  “Wow!” Sisters? She and Grace? It was a thought that came out of left field. Maybe they could be. It would not be easy. They would both have to change and compromise for it to work. Problem was change and compromise was not handled well by either of the Holt girls.

  “What?” Grace saw the surprise on her sister’s face. “I’m not a complete cow, you know.”

  “Well, no, not a complete one,” returned Celestine overly sweetly.

  “And you’re not exactly the sweetest, most biddable person in the world either, Celestine.”

  “No, it’s a shocker but I can be an utter bitch.”

  Celestine’s words prompted them both to suddenly laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Two people who avoided each other for most of their adult lives, now attempting to make amends. The situation had the potential to crash and burn or to slowly rise to something better. But it was something worth taking a chance on.

  “So how did you and Nick meet?”

  “He climbed in through the window of my friend’s house looking to have sex with my friend but got me instead.”